Living free because Jesus Christ chose me. Wife to Anthony. Love reading, blogging, crafting & cooking! Sac State MA alumni, passionate about Special Education. 

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Tuesday
Aug212012

Friendship Lessons

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

- Robert McCloskey

Have you ever been caught off guard by something a friend said to you, only to realize later on that the comment hurt your feelings? Or does this only happen in my world?

Not surprisingly, I've been offended by a friend or two over my lifetime. But more often than not, it's not until after the fact I realize what was said hurt me. I guess it takes a while for the sting set in. You see, the more I'm involved in other people's lives and them in mine, the more comfortable the relationship becomes and there's more of a chance that one of us will be offended. 

How do you get over a comment that hurts?

I've come to understand I take a lot of things personally. Maybe a friend is talking about someone else or something else entirely. But if I identify with a portion of whatever it is, then I think their words are against me too. What the friend was talking about was never meant to be a personal slam on me but in some indirect way, it is. 

I should say something at that time, I know. It could be that I am afraid if I confront the person then they won't like me anymore. I am human, often insecure and want people to like me. The truth is: I need to stand up for myself, sometimes even to friends. This person is my friend for a reason and they wouldn't intentionally say things to hurt me

I've questioned the benefit of confronting the friend after (a day, a week, a month, or even a year) and telling them what they said hurt. Frequently, I realize I just want to correct them and my motive is to make sure they know they hurt me, not to strengthen the relationship

What do I do then? That's where forgiveness comes in! I ask God to help me forgive and forget without bringing a laundry list of grievances. I let the comment go.

It's sounds simple, but trust me, it's a lot harder than it sounds. And what I've learned from this: I'm more sensitive than I care to admit and I need a thicker skin. Stepping away from a conversation is helpful and it's then I discover I may have taken something the wrong way.

So...that's what I've been thinking about lately. 

 

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Reader Comments (3)

I think I've been on both ends of these situations. I usually don't have strong feelings either way about most things, but sometimes I step back and think I may have offended someone with how I worded something or a story I've shared. At the other end of it, confrontation is definitely hard. Forgiveness, definitely much better, but also hard at times. Relationships can be tricky business sometimes.

August 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoyce

Thank you Malisa. I believe God guided you to write this for me and some things I am goinv through. God bless x

August 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLiveseygirl

Your comment made my day and I wrote the post hoping it would impact someone. Thank you for confirming that, Liveseygirl!

August 29, 2012 | Registered CommenterMalisa Price

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